Ask Autistic Social Advice a Question

How to ask me your question

Thank you for asking a question! I set this blog up because I actively want to answer questions like yours, and I’m excited to hear from you!

I answer questions from autistic and allistic (non-autistic) people. I like to break social situations down step-by-step and explain how various factors may be contributing to the issue. I also like to write scripts to model clear and direct communication: both autistic and allistic people can find this useful.

Please read through this before sending in your question:

Getting Immediate Help

This is not an emergency service! If you or someone you’re asking about is in immediate danger, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

If you are in a crisis but do not require emergency services, search Google for “crisis line [your location]”.

If you need immediate help but it isn’t a crisis, search Google for “distress line [your location]” or “help line [your location]”.

If you are unable to speak on a phone, search “crisis text line [your location]” or “distress text line [your location]”. A lot of areas have helplines set up to talk over texting or messaging, but the hours tend to be more limited and they can be harder to find. If you think you might need this service in the future, do a Google search when you’re feeling calm, and save it to your contacts with a note about the hours.

It’s ok to need immediate help, but please reach out to organizations that are set up to help you properly! I’m not set up to help in emergencies, and it’s very distressing to hear about emergencies I can’t help with.

Question Guidelines

These are guidelines for how to ask your question. Don’t worry about following them exactly - they’re guidelines, not strict rules. The more of these guidelines you can follow, the easier it is for me to answer your question.

  1. Use a descriptive subject line - eg “What’s the point of small talk” instead of “Question…”

  2. Point form or paragraphs are fine, but avoid giant walls of text.

  3. Shorter questions are generally easier to answer. I understand the impulse to write a 40-page feelings-essay with chapters and subheadings, but try to keep it under 500 words. That said, don’t overthink this! If getting it short enough is too hard, I’d rather you send a long question than nothing.

  4. Context is important, but sometimes it’s hard to tell which context to include. If you aren’t sure whether or not to include something, you can put it at the end of your message under a “more context” title. This helps me focus on what the issue actually is, and what’s just background info.

  5. Don’t share a lot of identifying information: eg, your job, location, specific age, real names, etc. Try to change details: eg, add an extra sibling, change the ages of the people involved, the timeframe, etc. If you aren’t sure how to do this, include a note that says “please hide my details!” and I’ll change things around for you. Be aware that if your situation is unique enough, people may still recognize it even with some details changed.

  6. If your question involves two or more other people, please use names instead of initials - eg “Alice” instead of “A”. It’s way less confusing this way! If you need help, use character names from your favourite tv show, or use a random name generator.

  7. Please include your pronouns. I don’t want to misgender you, and unfortunately, gender can affect social situations a lot.

  8. If you or anyone else involved in your situation is autistic, please add that detail to your question.

  9. End with a clear question(s) - eg, “Should I do A or B” is clearer than “I am so overwhelmed!” This makes it clear to me what exactly you want advice about.


By sending me a question, you agree to all of these:

  1. I don’t answer every question. Sometimes I don’t have good advice for a situation, and sometimes I just don’t have time.

  2. I publish answers on my own schedule - I do this in my spare time, and how much spare time I have varies a lot.

  3. I always make a good-faith attempt to answer questions to the best of my ability, but I’m not perfect. I have my own set of experiences and biases, and what I think may not always work for you. Always take advice as a suggestion, not a “right answer”, and think things through for yourself before taking action.

  4. I am not a counselor, psychologist, or therapist, and I don’t have any formal psychological training. My expertise comes from a lifetime of breaking down social situations analytically because it was the only way for me to get through them.

  5. If I answer your question, it will be published on this blog. You give me the rights to publish and edit your question in any medium, including this blog and any associated social media.

Send your Question

If all of that is ok, you can send your question to:

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